So many of us overvalue independence – to our own detriment. We tend to overestimate how likely our direct request for help would be rejected by others and how inconvenienced those people would feel, and underestimate how willing people are to help. Some of us may have a fear that we’ll be perceived as needy or incompetent or that we don’t want to surrender control to someone else.
Study after study and lots of personal experiences show that most people – even strangers – like to help. The helpers feel positive afterward – like they made a difference in someone’s life. There’s also research that shows that seeking advice and support can even boost how competent the help-seeker is seen by the advice-giver.
People generally want to help, but they can’t help if they don’t know someone is suffering or struggling, or what the other person needs and how to help effectively, or whether it is their place to help – perhaps they want to respect others’ privacy or agency. A direct request can remove those uncertainties.
We can know that intellectually, and yet we still hesitate. I hope that this is a space where people feel comfortable asking for help, advice, and support. There are lots of us here who want to help, or we may know someone who can help.
What’s something on your mind?
