When we feel we’ve done something wrong, it can leave us with feelings of guilt. That guilt can allow us to identify and correct the mistake. When we find it difficult to let go of guilt, it might be that we are struggling with shame.
Shame is about self-worth; guilt is about a specific act. We feel guilt when we did something wrong. We feel shame when we believe that we are wrong.
Living from a place of shame can be debilitating and sometimes we end up doing things that lead to more shame. After all, shame builds on shame.
To live our best life, we must unburden ourselves of the shame.
This needs lots of self-compassion and self-forgiveness. We humans all make mistakes and poor choices from time to time. Those mistakes are not who we are.
–
This starts with accepting what is – who you are and where you are. You are not perfect. No one is.
Learn from the experience. Firstly, remember you did the best you could with the skills you had at the time. Take ownership of your part of the situation. Mindfully consider what led you to make those decisions? What needs were you trying to meet? Then contemplate on what wisdom can you gain from your new realizations. What can you do differently?
Forgive yourself for whatever it is. Be as specific as possible. Look into the mirror and say it out loud in a full sentence. “I forgive you for [making that choice, for staying in that situation for so long, for saying what you did].”
Lastly, make a plan to make better choices in the future. It may help to get support or insights from others to develop this plan.
