When it comes to cultivating more fun in life, the question often arises: Is it more important to turn up the volume on the fun, or down the volume on the self-critic? The answer isn’t one-size-fits-all. It depends on the person and their unique relationship with fun and self-criticism.
The Self-Critic Overpowers the Fun
For some people, the key challenge is not about finding fun, but about overcoming the internal voice that tells them they don’t deserve it or that it’s too frivolous. These are the individuals whose self-critic is so loud that it drowns out any possibility of fun. They may know exactly what could bring them joy, but fear, judgment, or self-doubt hold them back.
If this resonates with you, focusing on quieting the self-critic may be the first step. Here are a few strategies for doing so:
- Acknowledge the Voice: Recognize when the self-critic is speaking. Simply naming it—“That’s just my inner critic talking”—can make it less powerful.
- Challenge the Criticism: Ask yourself, “Is this true? Do I really not deserve to have fun?” “Is play really so irresponsible?” Most of the time, the answer is no. Reframe the thought to something more positive.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself like you would a friend. If they were struggling with guilt or shame, you’d encourage them to be kind to themselves. Do the same for yourself.
- Small Wins: Start with little activities that feel manageable and guilt-free. Over time, as you experience small doses of fun, you’ll begin to retrain your brain to associate enjoyment with no shame or self-judgment.
The Self-Critic is Quiet, But Fun is an Afterthought
On the other hand, there are those whose self-critic isn’t as overwhelming. It might not be holding them back from doing things that are fulfilling or meaningful, but it’s also not pushing them toward fun. These are individuals who may be great at caretaking, excelling in their responsibilities, or succeeding in other areas of life, but when it comes to play, they might not even know where to start.
For some, it might be that they haven’t played in so long, they don’t even remember what it feels like. It’s not that they don’t miss it—they just haven’t even thought about it. It’s a distant memory, not a priority.
If this sounds familiar, you might benefit from actively working to reconnect with play. Here’s how you can start:
- Brainstorm Playful Ideas: Create a master list of playful things to try. Write down any activity that sounds like it could be fun, even if you’re unsure. Start small—sometimes the simplest ideas can bring unexpected joy.
- Surround Yourself with Fun: Get around people who enjoy life. Whether it’s friends, family, or even people in online communities, their energy can inspire you to embrace fun again. Being around playful people can remind you of what’s possible.
- Join Fun-Focused Groups: If you’re looking to expand your horizons, consider getting added to lists or joining groups that focus on activities and events that spark joy. These could be email lists, online communities, Meetup groups, or even local event boards. They can help you discover new ways to have fun that you might not have considered.
- Let Go of Perfection: Fun doesn’t have to be perfectly planned or Instagram-worthy. Let go of the idea that fun needs to be “worth it” or productive. Just dive in and see where it takes you.
Discovering the Balance
The key takeaway here is that we all have different experiences with play and self-criticism. For some, it’s about quieting the critic so they can even consider play. For others, it’s about rediscovering the value of play and giving themselves permission to embrace it without guilt.
The ultimate goal is to find a balance—whether that’s amplifying the joy or muting the judgment. It’s worth taking a moment to reflect: What is getting in the way of play for you? Is it the critic, or is it your own lack of permission to explore what might actually bring you joy?
