Think about it: women are usually the ones managing the household, organizing the family calendar, planning meals, and keeping track of everyone’s needs. This “mental load” can be relentless. Even when they finally get a moment to breathe, their minds are still ticking through the next 10 tasks. I mean, have you ever had that moment when you’re supposed to be relaxing, but all you can think about is the grocery list or that work project that needs finishing? It’s exhausting!
And then, there’s the guilt. For many women, taking time for themselves to have fun doesn’t always feel okay. Society often paints women as the caregivers, the ones who have to keep everything running smoothly. There’s this idea that women have to be “the responsible ones,” taking care of everything and everyone else. They might think, “Shouldn’t I be doing something more productive?” or “What about the kids? The husband? The job? There’s something I can be doing for the house.” So even when they do carve out a few minutes for fun, they might feel a little guilty about it. And if they do something silly or carefree, that voice in the back of their mind is saying, “You could be doing something more important.”
On top of this, physical and emotional fatigue can weigh heavily on women. After a long day of balancing work, household chores, and family life, it can feel like there’s no energy left for anything else. Even if the desire for fun is there, it’s buried under exhaustion.
Women often take on the role of making sure everyone else is having fun, too. They plan the family vacations, organize get-togethers, and even make sure their friends are enjoying themselves. This means that they’re less likely to focus on their own enjoyment because they’re busy managing others’ happiness.
A friend of mine, let’s call her Sarah, recently told me how guilty she felt when she decided to take an afternoon for herself to go to a painting class. She really wanted to try it but spent the whole time second-guessing herself—wondering if she should be at home taking care of the laundry or preparing dinner. In the end, though, she said it was worth it. It reminded her that sometimes, she needed to have fun just for the sake of it, without any “shoulds” attached.
It’s not just about getting a break, though. For women, fun often means connection—it’s about bonding over experiences, like a spontaneous night out with friends or doing something silly like dressing up for no reason at all. But if there’s no time for that connection, the fun just doesn’t seem to happen. It’s like the joy of the experience gets overshadowed by everything else that needs to get done.
Well, Actually, Some Men Don’t Allow Themselves to Have Fun Either…
But here’s the thing: it’s not just women who struggle with fun. A lot of men don’t allow themselves to have fun, either. But for a different reason. It’s easy to think men just have it all figured out when it comes to letting loose—after all, who doesn’t picture a man kicking back with a beer, watching a game, or going out with friends for a hockey or baseball game without a care in the world? But it’s not that simple.
Many men feel a constant pressure to be the provider—the one who’s always responsible and focused on career and family. It’s not that they don’t want to have fun; they might just feel that taking time off for play is irresponsible. A man might turn down an invitation to a spontaneous night out, thinking he needs to focus on his career or future financial goals. It’s that feeling that their worth is tied to being “on” all the time.
For many men, engaging in fun can feel like a challenge to their image of being strong and self-reliant. Participating in something playful or silly—like karaoke, dancing, or a goofy game—can feel “immature” or “unmanly.” They may avoid doing things that could make them feel vulnerable because they’re afraid of being judged.
Men are often taught to keep control over their emotions and actions. Play, on the other hand, can involve letting go of control. This can be hard for someone who’s been taught that being in control is a key part of being strong. This is why some men avoid activities that involve unpredictability or spontaneity, it feels too risky.
The Takeaway: Schedule Some Play
Ultimately, it’s clear that both women and men face unique challenges when it comes to having fun. For women, it’s often about balancing responsibilities and overcoming guilt. For men, it’s about breaking free from the pressure of appearing tough or in control. But no matter the gender, play is essential. It’s not a luxury or something that should only happen on special occasions—it’s an essential part of living a happy, fulfilling life.
So next time you feel yourself slipping into the cycle of responsibilities or pressure to be “serious,” remind yourself to make space for fun. It doesn’t have to be a planned event or an elaborate outing—sometimes the most fun happens in little, spontaneous moments. Whether it’s dancing to your favorite song in the living room, having a family pillow fight, or playing a harmless prank at work (that you know will be well received!), small moments of play can make a big difference in your mood and mindset. And hey, if you’ve been feeling like you don’t have the time to play—schedule it in! Set aside time for a bit of play, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Play can be just as important as productivity.
